New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
