Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
