I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
