I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
