is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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