did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
