you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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