i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She announced her abortion via fbk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
