I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
