i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
