I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
