At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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