yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
