So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
