'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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