I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
