So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
