this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
