eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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