i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize