You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize