i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
