everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we should paint friendship bongs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
