Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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