I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
