Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
