i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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