allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
