I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
