the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
