Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
