yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
