i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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