We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
