like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
