I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
