Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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