Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
