you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
