They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
