just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
