It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
