i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
