barbara walters just said penis...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
