when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
