Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
