I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
