Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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