Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
