just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
