Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
