i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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