I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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