there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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