Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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