just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
