You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
