it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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