youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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