Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i need some magic done to my vagina
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
