is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The air was thick with penises
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
