I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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