did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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