she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
