Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
