I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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