batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
