great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
