He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
