Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
