Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
