Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
